Jacob and Anna
Anna.
“Why?” I thought. “Why is this happening?”
I shrugged on a sweater over my elegant silk and lace dress. My eyes closed as I sobbed to the waves as everyone stood behind me, silently praying that he would come.
Secretly, though, I knew he never would.
-One day earlier-
“Are you almost ready?” I asked, impatient. Being a woman, it’s stereotypical that I would be the one taking an hour to get ready for my rehearsal dinner.
“Yes.” He said, but it sounded sad. I walked into the bathroom and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Are you alright, love?” I asked, concerned. He avoided my eyes, constantly looking down, into the mirror, or up at the ceiling.
“I guess.” He answered.
“Just think, darling. At this time tomorrow, we’ll be married.” I said, in an effort to cheer him up. I smiled brightly at the idea, but he barely returned it. He gave a small, pathetic smile.
“Of course.” He said, and frowned again. I frowned with him, and began to worry.
“Is something wrong?”
“Just tired. Let’s just go or we’ll be late, okay?” He said. I tried to push any negative thoughts out of my mind, but I couldn’t help but worry.
Jacob was more lively at the rehearsal dinner. He was himself again. He laughed, joked, and smiled brightly at the toasts that some of his family had made to us. He also ate plenty, so I assumed he was alright. However, he still refused to look into my eyes. Any time I would tell him I loved him, he’d say it back without looking. Maybe he really was just tired.
When we returned home, it was very late. We basically went straight to bed, but it was different. I knew something was wrong now. No late-night talks or kisses before bed. Just a turn away from me, a sigh, and an “I’m tired, goodnight.” No ‘sweetheart.’ No ‘honeyboo.’ Just goodnight.
“…Goodnight.” I said, hoping he’d pick up on the sorrow in my voice and reassure me that everything was okay. He didn’t. He simply went to sleep.
I hope he won’t call off the wedding tomorrow. As of tonight, that is my greatest fear.
-Two Days Earlier-
“Jacob?” I called through the house. I slipped off my heels and placed my shopping bags onto the floor. I checked in the study, and there he was, sitting on his laptop. I quietly walked up behind him, placing my head just above his shoulder to creep on what he was doing, but he was only checking e-mail.
“Hey honey! What are you doing?” I said, loudly. I must have startled him, because not only did he jump, but he shut his laptop instantly and had a panicked look on his face when he turned to face me.
“H-hey, Anna. I didn’t know you were coming home this early!”
“Alice had to leave early to pick up her son. The school called saying he wasn’t feeling well.”
“Oh, oh, okay.” He said. He still sounded a little shaken.
“Are you alright? You look as if I just caught you doing something horribly wrong.” He started laughing.
“Haha! No, no. I’d never do anything like that. Never.” He reassured me, but he was acting really strange.
“…Okay, then. Remember we have the rehearsal dinner tomorrow. Do you know what you’re going to wear and everything?”
“Yes. Don’t take an hour to get ready this time!” He shouted at me. I giggled.
“I’ll try my best.” I said. I smiled, and he returned it.
Jacob.
Tears flowed down my face as I tried to keep my eyes on the road. I ripped the bowtie off my tux in anger as I slammed on the horn for the idiots in front of me to go faster.
“What have I done?” I thought. “Her heart is probably in pieces. Was it really worth it?”
-One Day Earlier-
I splashed water on my face, and bathed it with my hands. I looked straight into my eyes through the mirror.
“Who are you?” I asked myself. “What are you going to do? What should you do? Who should you hurt?” I dried my face with a towel, and adjusted my tie.
“Are you almost ready?” I heard her ask. I tried to contain my inner feelings and reply with a mask of happiness.
“Yes.” I replied. I failed, and I knew she had noticed. Next thing I know, she’s right next to me with a hand on my shoulder.
“Are you alright, love?” She asked, staring directly at me. I knew I would break down if I looked into her eyes. I avoided them at all costs.
“I guess.” I answered.
“Just think, darling. At this time tomorrow, we’ll be married.” She said. I could tell she was trying to cheer me up, but she had no idea what was really going on. I couldn’t tell her, so I buried it inside and attempted at faking a smile to return her large, gorgeous one.
“Of course.” I replied, and my fake smile faded. Her real one left with mine.
“Is something wrong?” She asked.
“Just tired. Let’s just go or we’ll be late, okay?” I knew she didn’t believe my lie, but she still bought it, and we left.
It was easier pretending to be happy at the rehearsal dinner, surrounded by more people other than Anna. It was easier to put on a show. I returned all of Anna’s “I love you”s as well. I think maybe she’ll be worrying less now, being reassured that I still do love her.
When we returned home, I was emotionally exhausted from putting on a smile for so long. A crawled into bed with a simple “I’m tired. Goodnight.”
“…Goodnight.” I heard her reply, sorrowfully. I didn’t turn around though. I lied there and stared at the wall for hours, wondering what I should do.
-Two Days Earlier-
I stared at the screen in awe, not knowing what to do or how to reply back.
“Dear Jacob,” The e-mail read.
“I know this is a terrible time, and I’m sorry, but I have to say it. You can go ahead and delete this after reading it and I will completely understand, but I have to say it. I saw you walking with Anna the other day, linking hands, and I realized that I’ve never truly gotten over you. You’re my entire life and I was stupid and naive to leave you for Marcus. Marcus never treat me as well as you did. You were always so much better than him and I realize that now. I regret that it’s taken me so long, but I realize it. And if you’d give me the chance, I’ll love you like you should be loved. But if you won’t, I’ll understand. If you’re happy, I’m happy.
Love, Janette.”
Janette. My ex-girlfriend from two years ago who broke my heart into a million pieces after leaving me for her ex. Her ex that never treated her right, even when they were together.
My hands shook. My palms were sweaty. Deep down, I knew I still loved her too. I loved Anna, but I never got over Janette. Not for a second.
“Dear Janette” I typed.
“I’m with Anna now. I’m marrying her in two days. I don’t know how to respond to your message.
To tell you the truth, I never got over you either. I think about you a lot. But I also think about what you did to me a lot. And I’m not sure I can trust you again.
From, Jacob.”
I refreshed the page a lot, hoping she was still online, hoping that I could have a direct conversation with her. Luckily, I could. I opened my next e-mail.
“Dear Jacob,
I understand if you love her more. I’m sorry for butting in on your life. Even with feelings for me, I can’t be getting myself into your life again when you are getting married soon.
Just know that you could trust me again if you ever were to come back.
Love, Janette.”
I thought to myself before writing another e-mail. Do I really love Anna more? Janette and I never really got the chance to get married, or even to become serious enough to think about it. Suddenly, I wasn’t sure.
“Dear Janette” I wrote.
“I’m not sure anymore. I love you, and I love Anna. What should I do?”
I sent it, just like that. One simple line, without a signature. She replied quickly as well.
“Dear Jacob,
If you decide you want to be with me, come to my house on Saturday.” That was all she wrote. Saturday is my wedding day. I had a lot to think about before then.
“Hey honey! What are you doing?” I suddenly heard in a loud feminine voice behind me. I quickly shut my laptop before she could see who I was talking to and I turned to face her to make sure. She was smiling, so I assumed she saw nothing.
“H-hey Anna. I didn’t know you were coming home this early!” I said. I was trying to stay calm, but it wasn’t working very well.
“Alice had to leave early to pick up her son. The school called saying he wasn’t feeling well.”
“Oh, oh, okay.” I was stumbling over my words, desperately trying to keep it together.
“Are you alright? You look as if I just caught you doing something horribly wrong.” Instinctively, I started laughing really hard. I was always a terrible liar, especially to Anna.
“Haha! No, no. I’d never do anything like that. Never.”
“…Okay, then. Remember we have the rehearsal dinner tomorrow. Do you know what you’re going to wear and everything?” She asked. She sounded suspicious of my strange behavior.
“Yes. Don’t take an hour to get ready this time!” I shouted at her. Girls always take a long time to get ready, as if they have to sit there and think about life decisions while putting on a dress.
“I’ll try my best.” She replied. She smiled, and I tried my best to return it.
-xLLSx-
(Source: weheartit.com, via reckless-lovee)
Strawberries
I was nine, and you were ten. My mom became friends with your mom, and invited you to my birthday party. There was a clown I was scared of, and presents I wasn’t really looking forward to opening. I didn’t know who you were, but I swear you knew who I was. You’ve always recognized my soul.
You bought me a present. A little tupperware box wrapped in blue tissue paper with a big silver bow on the top. After eating a little bit of cake and going through the pretending-to-be-happy-with-my-gifts cycle, you gave me that poorly wrapped box. I opened it up, and didn’t know what to think about what was inside.
“It’s a strawberry!” You exclaimed.
“…I know.” I said. I put on my fake smile, and said my fake thank yous, and then tossed it with the other reject presents. But that wasn’t the last of you. You stayed with me when I wanted to be alone. You played with me when all of the other kids ignored me. You helped me pick out clothes for my Barbie. We went outside, and you taught me how to properly hold a bat so we could play softball. You didn’t leave my side once. When it was time for everyone to leave, you begged my mother to let you sleep over, and she allowed you to.
In the morning, my mom made french toast with bananas. As you came to join us at the table, you snatched my fork out of my grasp and yelled “wait!”
“What??” I snapped back.
“You forgot your present!”
“What present?” I asked. You walked over to my pile of reject presents, and pulled out the strawberry. You placed it onto your plate, cut it in half with a butter knife, and gave me one of the halves.
“Everything tastes better with strawberries.” You said, flashing me a smile.
I was fifteen at the time, and you were sixteen.
You frowned at me, and you gave me a look of disappointment.
“You don’t actually celebrate it, do you? It’s such a greeting card holiday.” I said. Valentine’s Day wasn’t exactly my favorite holiday. I’d only had a boyfriend for it one year, and he didn’t even buy me anything. Being single on the day isn’t much better.
“Not really, but I did want to share something with you.” You replied.
“You bought me something?”
“No. Some girl bought me something. A box of chocolates, to be exact. I hate Valentine’s Day too, but chocolate’s still good, right?” I smiled at you.
“Only if there’s strawberry cream involved.” You flashed a smile back at me.
I was twenty-one at the time, and you were twenty-two.
I was sweating, and it was getting a little hard to breathe. My long, white dress dragged behind me as I sat down to take a deep breath and cool down. My plate still had scrapings of icing, but as sloppy as I am, the napkins were still neatly tied with a gold ribbon that read “Save the Date - March 16th.” My mother sat down next to me.
“Well, at least you’ve worked off that cake!” She said. I laughed. Nothing could work off this cake.
“Speaking of cake,” She began again. “I thought you decided on vanilla.”
“Individually, I did decide on vanilla. But, he wanted chocolate. So together, we decided on strawberry shortcake.” She looked at me weird, but I couldn’t explain it any better than I did.
I am twenty-three, and you are twenty-four.
It’s nine in the morning, and I feel your hands trail around my waist. I giggle as you nibble on my neck while I finish making our plates. I nudge you to sit down, and I transfer the plates to the table. You don’t move, and you refuse to eat. I was hoping you’d notice.
“I knew you’d pick up on it.” I smirked, and you returned it. I got up and grabbed a small tupperware box, where I sprinkled pre-chopped strawberries over our banana french toast.
“Everything tastes better with strawberries.” You said, as we shared a smile together.
-xLLSx-
(Source: topit.me, via boystudent)
