Lubita Love Stories

foursugars:

you know who she really loves

The Wrong Decision

If there’s one thing I’ve learned throughout my life, it’s that you should never tell the truth when a lie can save you. Fortunately, I’ve never had to use this piece of knowledge, until tonight.

It wasn’t my fault. She hurt me. She shattered me to pieces by asking for that break. I don’t know how any guy could possibly be okay after going through something like that.

You ask a girl to marry you, and she says no. Then when that isn’t hard enough, she tells you the very next day that she needs a break from the relationship because she may or may not have developed a crush on your best friend. How could any man go through something like that, and then not turn to anything to comfort him?

After all, I couldn’t turn to Jacob after I had just found out that he was the object of her attraction. I know that turning to alcohol was the wrong decision. I know how I am when I’m drunk, but I did it anyway.

If I tell her what happened, she’ll never come back to me. I’ll lose every chance she would even consider giving me.

And I just can’t afford to lose her.

“Hey, Jessica. It’s me again. Please, call me back soon. I need to talk to you. I just miss you so-” I had left her what seemed like a thousand messages, until she finally picked up mid-message this time, just like I’d been hoping she would do.

“Hey.” She said. She only said. I still smiled.

“Hey. So you finally answered me.” I chuckled, still giddy that she finally wanted to talk.

“Do you want to go out? I think we should talk.” She offered.

“Yeah, sure! Did you eat dinner yet? I can take you out to that Italian place that you love.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll meet you there at 7.” And she hung up. It stung that she didn’t say ‘I love you’ nor did she even say goodbye, but those were minor details. I got to see her again, and with high hopes of working things out, I quickly got in my car. I realized I had forgotten my jacket, and January nights were not something to rave about in just a t-shirt. It was pitch black already, and the forecast said it was going to rain. I just hoped it wouldn’t start until after my date with Jessica. I hate driving in the rain.

I remembered that she always wanted to dance in the rain. Whether it was January or July, it didn’t matter.

‘I want someone to sweep me off my feet, but only emotionally. I want him to grab my hand, put his other hand on my waist, and sway with me in the pouring rain. I want to kiss at times, and just enjoy the moment together in harmony. Whether it’s in January or July, it doesn’t matter. Lord knows I would not be paying attention to the weather!’

She said that when we were nothing. Long before we had started dating, when we were only friends. My everything, being just a friend. It’s hard to imagine.

I was lucky that it hadn’t even drizzled during the drive to Alfredo’s, and the parking lot was pretty vacant, being that it was only a Wednesday night. I spotted her instantly within my first steps into the restaurant, and sat down across from her. She looked sad, but she smiled when I sat down.

“Hey.” She said.

“Hey.” I said back, a little more enthusiastically than she did. I was trying to control myself, and not make it so obvious to her that I was so overly excited to see her again. A waitress came over and asked us what we wanted to drink. I ordered a diet coke as usual, but Jessica ordered an iced water.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” I asked her once the waitress left. She looked at me, confused.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you never order water.” It’s true. The only times she has ever ordered water from a restaurant was our first date, our anniversary night, and the day she confessed her attraction to Jacob and desire for a break. She orders water when she’s nervous, because there’s nothing to it. Soda has caffeine that can make you jumpy, and anything alcoholic will alter your words.

“I’m just in one of those moods, you know.” She answered, casually. I nodded, but gave her a smirk that she pretended not to notice.

“So, how have you been?”

“Do you want the truth or the lie?”

“The truth. Always the truth. No matter what it is, it’s best that I know.” That made my heart a little nervous. She made it seem like she knew, but it was impossible for her to know. I looked down for a moment, and then looked back up at her. My smile had disappeared.

“Well, I’ve spent every moment missing you. I’ve done nothing but eat, sleep, work, and wish that you were still lying next to me at night. I don’t do anything but pray for a time machine.”

“And why’s that?” She perked up when I said ‘time machine.’ It confused me. She seemed eager, while I was telling her how depressed I was without her. It didn’t seem to make any sense at all.

“I feel that if I didn’t propose, then maybe things wouldn’t have changed. Maybe you wouldn’t have started to like Jacob, and maybe you would still be mine.”

“Baby, I’m still yours. We’re on a break. It means that we’re still technically together, just keeping distance for a while. And all of that with Jacob is over. I was wrong. He isn’t the one for me like I’d thought. I guess I was just stressed out.”

“You didn’t have to move out.”

“I didn’t move out, really. I’m just not staying with you for the time being.” Another sharp pain went through my heart. I remember when ‘staying with you’ was once ‘home’ to her. Now it’s just a temporary place to live, I suppose.

We shared a silence for a long moment. The waitress came back with our drinks, and gave us another minute to order, since we had seemed so cold and distant. I took a gulp of my soda, and she took tiny little sips of her iced water. That’s another reason why I knew something was wrong when she ordered water. She hates it. I always thought it was strange that a person could dislike something that’s fully refreshing yet completely tasteless, but she had always surprised me in so many ways.

“So, that’s all?” She asked me, breaking the silence.

“What do you mean ‘that’s all’?” I questioned.

“That’s all you’ve been up to lately? There’s nothing you left out?” I took another gulp of my soda.

“No, darling. I really miss you, and that’s what I’ve been devoting my life to all this time. It’s because I really do love you with all of my heart.” She stared at me blankly, and actually looked kind of annoyed. She looked down, and shook her head a little. She muttered something, but it was inaudible. My heart began to sink with anxiety, but I reminded myself that it was impossible that she had found out.

“Alright, are we ready to order now?” The waitress came back and asked us.

“No, that’s okay. I’m not really that hungry.” Jessica got up and stormed out of the restaurant. I quickly apologized to the waitress and quickly followed after my love. Finally, I caught her outside in the middle of the parking lot. I grabbed her arm and turned her around to face me.

“Jessica, what are you doing?” I asked her.

“Roy, you’re an evil, cold man, you know that? And a dirty liar, too!” She said, crying.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “Everything I said was true. I do miss you, and I do love you!”

“I know what you did!” She yelled. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach, and I stared at her, speechless.

“I know what you did! Why didn’t you tell me? How could you keep it from me? I was willing to get back with you if only you had been honest with me!” She stood there screaming and crying at me, and I realized what an idiot I was. If I had told her, she would have been mine again.

I said nothing. I did nothing. I couldn’t move, and it was getting hard to breathe. I lost her. I lost her and it was all my fault.

She waited for me to answer for a few moments, and then gave up. She turned around, and started walking quickly to her car. I could see her hand rubbing the tears off of her face, and then it started raining. It started raining a decent amount when I saw her pull out of the parking lot and drive away.

With that, she was gone.

I fell to my knees, letting the rain wash away my endless amount of pain and overwhelming guilt.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned throughout my life, it’s that you should never tell a lie when the truth can save you. Unfortunately, I never knew how to use this piece of knowledge, until tonight, when it was too late.

-xLLSx-